Friday, January 27, 2006
Real life, the pursuit of fortune, and a questionSo, real life's been kicking my booty lately. :) Not in a bad way, just in a "oh, man, I've got to take my kids to the dentist instead of writing today" sort of way.
But the good thing is, that at least I'm missing writing, and I now (thanks to a call from my agent) know where I'm going and what I have to do next.
It's all good.
Part of the life of a writer.
So today, with apologies, since on my scheduled day of Wednesday I was without internet access all day (dress shopping for my daughter, yes, fun!) I will write this now.
I've been thinking a lot about why I keep doing this writing thing. Is it really for the money? I have plenty of money, I have to say, though my husband would like to stop working and continually encourages me to sell books so he can retire. Wouldn't that be nice? But I'm not writing for the big bucks. Do I WANT them? Heck yeah. I want to be acknowledged for my work, who doesn't? But I'm not writing with dollar signs in my eyes.
Am I writing for the praise?...That's a tougher question. Possibly. It's always nice to have people say nice things about you. I like it when someone tells me I'm a good writer. I like it better when I hear someone say I've touched them with something I've written, that reading my work somehow gave them a few moments of pleasure. Or made them cry. I do like plucking the strings of emotion, my own and others -- selfishly, I mostly write to please myself so if it makes someone else happy that sort of validates my fetishes and feelings in a way I know is completely self absorbed, but hey, who's not? So...yeah, sure, I write for the praise but in essence if you do that you have to be open to the criticism as well. I don't do as well with that, though if it's honest opinion and not simply snark,I alway appreciate it. You can't please everyone. Some people you can't please at all. (Not naming any names, of course, but believe me, I've got a list.) So in the end, I'm not writing just to get praise, though if it comes along, I'll take it the same way I'll take the money.
Is it for fame? Oh, hell yes. I want talk shows, I want red carpet, I want celebs reading my book. I'm a celebrity hooor, remember? I totally want Jude Law to read my book and option it because he absolutely must play the hero (...that he refuses to cast any other woman but me for the heroine is totally self absorbed fantasy talk, yes, yes, I GET IT, ok? Now lemme 'lone.) Do I think that will ever happen?Well, I don't think Jude Law reads a lot of erotic romance, but the boy is a dirty little bugger,(at least in MY dreams) so, sure, it could happen. I don't really think it will, but it's nice to think about. So, in the end, do I really really write for the fame, after all? An unattainable goal? I guess I don't. If I was writing only for the fame that would only lead to eventual disappointment and grief. I'll take it the same way I'll take the money and the praise, but I'm not writing for it.
Do I write because I simply can't stop? Well, hell no, writing's tough and I'd gladly sit on my sadly flat and unshapely ass all day and play the Sims. I surely would. I can certainly NOT write. I NOT write all the time. In fact, I'd say I am not writing more often than I am writing. Could I give up writing should be the question, and that's one I must ponder. Could I give it up? I've done it since childhood. I've always done it. Always. Could I just...stop? If I knew I'd never publish anything else, if I knew the money and the fame and the praise would never come...would I keep writing?
I should say yes, shouldn't I? I mean, that's what the inspirational, motivational writerdiva would say. "Keep going! Chin up! You're writing for your craft, your art!"
But heck if I know the real answer. If I didn't have those other things to hope for, would I keep doing it? Would I keep writing?
Well, I know I'd keep blogging just because I sure do seem to let my mouth run on and on about myself. :) Ahh....I do so love being me.
M
